Sweethearts Candy Blog's

I've been dealing with food allergies and play dates for a long time now and I have to say the awareness has grown with regards to parents and other kids. Food seems to be a big part of play dates (is it me or are we feeding kids ALL the time--school, especially seems more food-centric than when I was a kid) so often this topic comes up for us. "What is "safe" to eat?" is one of the most frequent questions I get and I'm guessing it's the same for all of you. Usually I either OK foods beforehand by physically inspecting the labels or my daughter just brings her own snack or treat.

Today, I encountered another aspect of food allergies and play dates and that is how to walk a fine line between awareness and fear on the part of your child's hosts. For example, my daughter got an invite from one of her good friends this morning but her buddy was worried about the food being served. I don't think it's the case with this friend, but I wondered if worries about food had prevented others from inviting my child to play dates or parties. It's probably happened. After all, parents are busy and preoccupied to begin with. If they don't understand that food allergies are manageable provided (relatively simple) precautions are taken, they may want to avoid a child with this condition for fear of making them ill. I get this, but it doesn't have to be this way.

I want others to be concerned about food allergies, but not paralyzed by fear. It's hard to get a happy medium when you send your food-allergic child to someone else's home: either they seem way too relaxed or so freaked out that you feel uncomfortable for everyone concerned.

The way to combat either extreme is education. I realized that I need to do a better job of communicating with other parents about my daughter. A frank and honest discussion about risks and things to avoid is needed, but so is a reassurance that it will be OK if precautions are taken. I've always done this initially, but I realized that others may need some follow up reassurance. After all, food allergies are serious, and the more others hear about them in the news, the more the come up on people's radar. We need to keep the discussion ongoing.

Is it a big deal if my daughter brings a treat to share in case it's needed? Not at all, and that's another solution. Send some food with your child each time they visit a friend and then the other family doesn't bear the burden. They will appreciate it, believe me.

Even better--does every social interaction require your child to eat? Not really. Obviously food is a big part of social interaction and that's why I recommend that your child brings a treat if they like. But frankly, with childhood obesity on the rise, everyone is eating too much anyway. Focusing on fun and not always food is a good option and one that I try to emphasize. As I told my daughter's friend on the phone, "She will be happy to spend time with you, that's the important thing."

How do you cope with this problem? What works for you or what are you willing to try? Let us know.

Am I smarter than a 2nd grader? I realized to my chagrin, that this Mom might need to be "schooled" on a few points. Not too long ago, I learned quite a few things from my daughter when she described a recent peanut-free table experience. I could definitely take a few tips on keeping my cool from my kid.

According to what my daughter tells me, she gets questioned pretty frequently by her friends and classmates about her severe allergy to nuts. This is especially true when she is sitting at the "peanut-free" table with non-allergic kids. (And hey, for the record, I'm glad they're with her. That means they weren't "packing peanuts" that day.) Naturally, conversation sometimes turns to the ins and outs of being a "peanut-free" kid.

The questions are normal, but they don't necessarily thrill me, especially when kids ask things like "Will you die from your allergy?" She gets asked this fairly often and she always answers "I could, but I won't." I really hate that my 8-year-old even has intimations on her own mortality but I'm glad she is confident that she will be OK. Still, I wish sometimes I were there to help buffer these questions.

Turns out I don't need to be there. This child has it covered, even when the questions get a bit more unecessary. For example, late last week some kids wanted explicit details about what symptoms my daughter would exhibit if she were having an allergic reaction. Not that this is bad, either. If everyone knows, they can help my daughter if she needs it.

My daughter described some of the symptoms of a severe food allergy reaction, including facial swelling. Unfortunately, everyone thought this was a hoot. (I'm sure they were having cartoon-like visions of what would happen, I'm not saying they meant her any harm.)

When I told my daughter that she could offer to change the subject if her friends' questions bothered her, she said "They are only concerned about me. They don't mean anything."

Wow, I thought. She didn't inherit this laid-back approach from me. Personally, I really don't like it when people question me when I don't want to be questioned (especially if the interrogator is my mother) and I'm not sure I would have been as calm in my daughter's situation.

Then, one of the girls started holding up all kinds of non-food objects (dollar bills, pencils) and asking my daughter if she were allergic to those. Apparently the other kid was looking for laughs but from my perspective, of course, it's not too funny.

I waited to hear how my daughter handled the teasing. You can bet that I felt like flying out of my chair and giving the other kid a piece of my mind. The Mother Bear instinct kicked in, big time. I couldn't help it.

My daughter said "Oh, I just laughed it off. I pretended it was funny. But I didn't feel like talking much anymore."

My heart twisted in my chest at her last remark, but I felt incredibly proud of her reaction. I'm going to try that the next time someone says something silly or offensive to me. Pretend it's funny. Laugh it off. Why not? Life is too short to debate the small stuff, especially when someone is just trying to get your goat.

Bottom line: Just when you think you're running this mothering show, the kids turn it all upside down on you. Am I smarter than a 2nd grader? Maybe not, but I'm getting there. I think.