Sweethearts Candy Blog's

Outgoing:  PriceWaterhouseCoopers

Incoming:  the New Tax Preparation Team

THIS JUST IN.  Bank of America, feeling the intense pressure put upon them by 20 adolescent protesters in San Francisco on April 15, have decided to capitulate to activist demands.  The protesters, from a massive organization called "US Uncut," have demanded that the bank pay income taxes even if it does not owe any.

US Uncut has pointed out that corporations need to pay taxes, lots and lots of taxes, all the time, regardless of what their Big Four CPA firms may tell them.  These taxes are needed so the lazy and unproductive can live at the high lifestyle they feel they deserve for merely taking up space and producing nothing of value.

Bank of America's New Tax Manager  Arrives for Work

Bank of America executives rapidly performed an internal investigation and found the problem:  their accounting firm, PriceWaterhouseCoopers was preparing their corporate tax returns in such a way as to comply with state and federal tax laws.  Obviously, too many MBAs and Masters in Taxation can spoil the broth.  Tax returns should not be prepared in accordance with bourgeois rules and laws, but in alignment with feelings, to meld with Aquarius rising, inspire harmonic convergence, manifest good karmic reverberations and above all, to pay lots of free and unearned moola to hippies and their modern equivalent, Democrats.

Effective immediately, PriceWaterhouseCoopers has been given their walking papers and a team of hippies has been hired to file amended corporate tax returns.  Trembling in fear, corporate executives everywhere are hoping this extreme measure will spare them the withering financial analysis and public condemnation that 20 left-wing sociology undergraduates can bring, in what can only be called a public relations disaster for the corporate banking giant.